To this day no one has quite heard of him taking up his work anew, and so the tangueros have conveniently found inspiration in this singular divine element to yield joyfully to their hearts their favourite activity: dancing Tango and avoiding any other harmful activity to their leisure time (work, for instance).

He decided to create human beings (2 to begin with) from special clay particular to that period at which was readily baked in an over especially designed for this matter.  At different cooking temperatures he obtained different types of coloured persons who later populated Earth.

Perfectionist in everything, he decided to create meticulously and carefully a magnificent, extraordinary, unparalleled coupe, who would be a reflection of his image.  He worked carefully (with a much more special clay than before) into the late hours of the night and kept to the oven’s proximity to fabricate a perfect and al dente concoction… The first Argentinean couple saw light!

He took them to a land called “Eden’s Garden”.

These two beings are no other than Adam and Eve.  Alas, history only provides us with their names but thanks to some investigations and some divine revelations we are beginning to understand the truth of this famous creation.

The devil, jealous of the beauty of these two extraordinary creatures, took advantage of God’s absence, while he was away at Bahamas to create coconut trees, and sent a serpent disguised in accordion (some similarities to our contemporary musicians who play the same instrument are pure coincidences).

Up until this moment several dances were danced to such as the duck, chiqui tuiqui ti and many other of the same style.  Imagine what happens when these innocent creatures, void of clothing (jeans, skirts and other couture were much later created), find a couple dancing to the rhythm of the accordion!

When God returned from his trip in the Bahamas, he understood as he looked in on them, that by the wavy movement and the noticeable ecstasy in their eyes, that he had lost control of his creation, due to this diabolic dance named “Tango” (from Latin: Ton Anus Niquerum Gracius Orificium).  He decided to lock the door behind everyone and made them leave.  He invented later on the story about the apple to cover up what had really happened, inventing the “disinformation” that we find in different periods.  It is precisely at that moment that a sect was created to keep guard of the secret flame of this dance.

This sect “ The Movement of Tango Lovers” whose members were to be called “The Milongueros”, kept it secret to manifest at different times of history.
We have tracked down through time some tracks left by this sect found in Greece, where Hercules did 13 feats, the 13th has been hindered by historians.

This consisted of drinking 20 litres of Ouzo (famous Greek alcohol of 92 proof at the time), he then was to go in an enormous bear cage of 2.5 metres and dance a Tango with the ugliest dame of the town and make love to her.  He drunk the 20 litres, penetrated into the bear’s cage (one could hear cries and terrible roars) and came out from it crying: “Where is the old dame I must kill?” You may understand easily now why the Greek historians have forgotten to cite this last feat.

Several millenniums later, God realised that the birth rate of his creatures had declined and that they had taken up the ugly habit making endless wars to each other and this is the reason why he decided to give Moses the two tablets carrying the law.   Moses first refused arguing that he didn’t need them but when he heard from God’s voice that they were free he decided to take two with the 11 commandments. The 11th commandment being : “Thou shalt dance Tango and thereafter thou shalt reproduce”

In Egypt the “Infernal Dance” which by the new will of All-Mighty became the “Divine Dance” and provoked thus devastating effects among the builders of the pyramids who refused to work as before to be able to dance more the Tango.

The pharaoh conscious of the danger implied to his funerary monument wherein he would be procured an eternal dancing place decided to get rid of Moses and his people and to erase every trace of this dangerous dance.

At the time, Jesus arrived to found a school based on love (love thyself) that would permit the development of Tango in the region.  The Romans, jealous of the Christian popularity at the milongas (Christus was an accordionist deserter of Roman origin) and by seeing not only the rate of reproduction among the Hebraic people but also among his own soldiers that frequented the ‘Bailongos’ (tango balls), presented inconveniencies to the discipline and bellicose of his troops, he decided to persecute Jesus and his disciples whom passed to be clandestine and so they reviewed and corrected the commandments and made them 10 for official history.

Some centuries later, the reigning examples from everywhere continued to abolish this dance which provoked so many disappointments  to the power and famous Geneva dancer, tired with the problems caused by his attempts to organise “Milongas” in the old continent and decided to undertake a voyage to find new lady dancers and a more hospitable atmosphere in far away places.

Christopher Columbus, member of the sect “Tango Lovers” gave symbolic names to his caravels: La Santa Maria (allusion to the tango –Maria left), la Pinta (literally ‘the appearance’, an allusion to the happy girl of the tango dancers) and la Niña (‘the young girl’, an allusion to the young dancers he dreamed of.)  They departed and arrived in America where they were welcomed very favourably by indigenous peoples who were rapidly deceived by the agitated tendency of the ‘Conquistadores’ who were much more experienced on the dancing floor, and who took the lady partners and begun quarrels that history retained as wars causing devastation to the local populous. The revolt begun and the Tango had been voluntarily forgotten after several million died.

There have been found different traces in the sect of Gaul where the resistance symbol of Asterix against the Romans is understood: his fury up taken to maintain an open Milonga in spite of the arrival of foreign music and seeing that Asterix the good dancer and Obelix the bad (O.B. LIX O.B. being the famous mark of seals in the antiquity (from Latin Orificium) representing that which would prevent the pleasant act of making a couple after the preliminaries on the dance floor of self accomplishment.)

In the year 1000 A.D. Hugh Capet was introduced to this dance, and thanks to his power given by being a great dancer, created by the Caputian dynasty represented by the reigning patrimonies of Europe.  His most prestigious representative was Louis XIV, who with his tango achieved many a seduction of an incalculable number of young ladies, to the point that every French may say nowadays that ‘they are all descendants of Louis XIV’.

The French Revolution is an example of how public powers fear the liberating effect that this dance provokes and that was covered up by with publicity and propaganda to dissimulate the entire reality.

At Versailles, Louis XIV organised sumptuous milongas with the nobility.  The people was tired of not being able to participate to such spectacular parties that they decided to take down Bastille in order to find musicians  so that they may as well benefit from Tango.  Finding nothing, they addressed the king at Versailles and asked him to invite them to the next Milonga.

The King, dancer and jealous of his prerogatives did not want to participate because he feared to be ridiculed and the bad news it could circulate concerning Marie Antoinette and her manner of yielding to the felicities of the dance with a noble (she was very much for extra-marital adventures and the King didn’t mind it if it was done with people of degree).

Following the King’s refusal, the people penetrated into the palace and took the musicians and instruments back to Paris where they organised enormous popular balls. You are well acquainted with the devastating effect today that a popular, Milonga of yore, could have for the dancers’ heads.  They made themselves jealous pretending to be the best among themselves.

Danton, Robespierre and others killed among themselves to obtain such reconnaissance.

Napoleon arrived, he had the bad habit of putting his nose in his dancing partners’ chest from the first dance, and so contracted a chronic cold and refused constantly therefore any dancing invitations.  This displeased him and argued that the people wasn’t yet ready for such extreme joy and decided to abolish this dance and every memory of its events of truth that happened while rewriting history.

We may also observe that in the time of modern instances more or less taken from Tango, especially in the comics of Batman and Robin “Gotan City”; (Tango City written backwards, the ancient way of writing the word Tango) is one excellent explicit reference of our heroes, excellent dancers, alluding at the same time to the fact that in some periods in history the Tango was created by men.

The Argentineans found the Rio de la Plata, a promised land in order to give life anew to this controversial dance and gave themselves as mission the expansion of it by the end of the second millennium.

Che Guevara, born in Rosario, Argentina, one of the most important cities of Tango, is give a highly explosive mission by the Secret Services of the Sect : To dethrone Salsa.  The latter started to obtain much too many adepts in the Latin American populations.  In order to achieve this he had to begin by Cuba, where Salsa reigned and threatened to spread unto the continent.  He was discovered by Fidel (paltry dancer) who decided to get him away from Cuba where he had begun to have too many admirers, and you know the end of the story.

Lucifer the angel who considered himself much more beautiful and better dancer than God offended him, who wanted to be without competitors, and so Lucifer was driven down from Paradise. (Paradise: Enormous Milonga composed of angles, archangels and other entities living after the Chaos).

God soon saw that the public in ‘Paradise’ had declined in the last millenniums due to imposing obstacles to enter.  The devil’s obvious success with his discotheque named ‘Hell’ sought an arrangement and made an accord: By having more females born than men, they could easily dance and forget those ancient quarrels.

They decided to promote the Tango to the rank of ‘The Dance of Humanity’; to open milongas round the planet making a step toward an era of peace and prosperity.

At the same time, in humbleness we thank him; God conceded a privileged treatment in Paradise and on Earth.

To illustrate this we may give the following story of a young French girl who exclaimed while making love to an Argentinean, “Oh my God, oh my God, yess!!!” The Argentinean replied ‘in privacy you may call me by my first name’.

It is another example of highest stature particularly conceded to that extraordinary people, known to their two principal virtues: Beauty and Modesty.

We thank gratefully the professor Tuchi Me, for his profound studies, for we have much acknowledge the evolution of humanity and importance of Argentineans in it, and we may know measure the degree of their ego, which is only a reflection of reality.

It is the chosen people!

It is also normal that they climb the Eiffel Tower to see how the world evolves without their presence at hand.  If you die within these coming days you will distinguish with much ease an Argentinean in Paradise.  He shall tell you ‘You see you tomorrow, if I wish’.

Respect them, for they merit no more!
By the erudite tangocologist from Argentinean origin, Mr. Tuchi Me.

A pamphlet by Ricardo ‘Caito Blanch’ copyright 1998.